did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
