I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
