Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
