dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
