listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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