pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
