she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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