i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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