dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
