They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
