If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
