you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize