Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
