This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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