He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
