Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
time to smoke my breakfast
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
