I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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