apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
