the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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