My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
