I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
