IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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