Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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