you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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