My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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