Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
