girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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