This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
