After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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