I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sarcasm needs its own font
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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