I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.