You really coming over, don't trick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.