So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor