You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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