I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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