Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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(865): Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand. http://tfl.nu/3nr4

Replies (31) Good night (5064) Bad night (616)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

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(919): my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now. http://tfl.nu/dua1

Replies (19) Good night (4222) Bad night (2048)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

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(919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o

Replies (13) Good night (3696) Bad night (1157)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."

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(215): He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax." http://tfl.nu/odgz

Replies (25) Good night (996) Bad night (6105)
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(310): View more from California

Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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(310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv

Replies (187) Good night (9272) Bad night (7208)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

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(402): I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/v346

Replies (2) Good night (2482) Bad night (797)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

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(508): i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate http://tfl.nu/vubl

Replies (16) Good night (5990) Bad night (845)
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(806): View more from Texas

Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.

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(806): Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again. http://tfl.nu/oiv0

Replies (5) Good night (1206) Bad night (615)
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(406): View more from Montana

You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

(1-406): View more from Montana

That literally makes no sense

(406): View more from Montana

Exactly

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(406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l

Replies (7) Good night (2102) Bad night (630)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.

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(812): I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more. http://tfl.nu/ty1z

Replies (14) Good night (1397) Bad night (457)
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(217): View more from Illinois

how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?

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(217): how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you? http://tfl.nu/250l

Replies (1) Good night (485) Bad night (1344)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.

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(630): Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome. http://tfl.nu/a2zp

Replies (2) Good night (1289) Bad night (479)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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(218): found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging. http://tfl.nu/wawj

Replies (4) Good night (395) Bad night (806)
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(775): View more from Nevada

My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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(775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy

Replies (10) Good night (1207) Bad night (285)
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(613): View more from Ontario

You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.

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(613): You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night. http://tfl.nu/z5vr

Replies (1) Good night (991) Bad night (206)

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