I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
