What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
