btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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