Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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