I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
