when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
