I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
