She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize