After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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