i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
