You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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