By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
