When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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