He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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