I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
