Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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