I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
