How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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