I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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