So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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