So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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