i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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