I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
