He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
