I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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