marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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