While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
