She is in my trunk
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
