I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
