Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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