I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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