my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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