You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
