Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
