I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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