he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
