Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
