I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
