And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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