You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
