So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
