He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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