So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Randomize
