Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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