This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize