The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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