I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
