How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
