how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
