the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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