Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?