Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
