and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
