Sponge bath it is.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
