Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
