Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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